Do you feel lonely in your relationship?
- Is it hard to remember the last time you and your partner had fun together?
- Does it seem that your partner no longer appreciates you, that you are not important to him or her?
- As you try to support your family and take care of your partner’s needs, do you feel like no one remembers that you have needs too?
- When you try to communicate with your partner, do you feel criticized or ignored?
- Do you feel disconnected from your partner and unable to express your needs, fears, and hopes?
- Do you want to be able to trust that your partner understands, accepts, and loves you for who you are?
Maybe you and your partner once felt that you were everything to each other. But now, the daily responsibilities and pressures of life have intruded, eroding their connection. Instead of going on romantic dates, you may need to change diapers. Instead of talking about your dreams for the future, you could be arguing about bills or responsibilities. You may wonder where the romance and love have gone. You might even fear that your partner will seek someone else’s romantic attention.
As time goes on, you may wonder how all this tension got into your relationship. All you want is to order what you need without all this storm and conflict. And more than anything, you want to feel valued by your partner, trust that you and your relationship are enough.
Stress and tension can influence any couple
The relationship problems you face do not mean that your partnership is damaged or doomed. Most couples feel disconnected at one point or another, even after spending years or decades together.
On a first date, couples generally spend more time flirting and conquering than anticipating a future of hectic careers and housework. But, the truth is, eventually, all couples will eventually struggle with the boring and stressful realities of routine. It can be difficult to nurture a strong connection when you feel overwhelmed by the demands of kids, jobs, and more.
The stresses of life can also make it more difficult to communicate with your partner in a healthy way. When you don’t feel connected, you also don’t feel like you can trust each other. That means you are less likely to openly express your honest feelings. And sometimes, you can be so overwhelmed that you don’t know how you really feel.
So, instead of saying, “I need to feel supported and valued,” you may come out as a reproach that you don’t mind me leaving your dirty laundry. Instead of saying that you feel lonely and that you miss their affection, you can suffocate your partner and make them feel trapped. Or, instead of saying you need space, you could shut down and isolate yourself, leaving your partner confused and rejected.
Like everyone else, you try to express your needs with the tools you have. You will likely repeat the patterns you observed in your family or upbringing, even if those patterns do not help your current situation or relationship. And, like most people, you were never taught the skills to express your basic emotional needs in a healthy and productive way. It is not your fault, you cannot know what you never learned.
Fortunately, as a bilingual therapist who speaks Spanish, is Hispanic and specializes in relationships, I can help you develop new ways of relating to your partner with empathy and love.
Bilingual couples therapy can help you and your partner listen to each other
In recent years, common issues that couples face have been thoroughly researched and explored, leading to highly effective relationship counseling techniques. I am a trained therapist with 10 years of experience in emotionally focused therapy, an empirically validated approach that helps couples explore cycles of conflict to rediscover their true connection. With help, you can feel heard, recognized, and valued, just the way you are.
EFT, Emotion Focused Therapy, can help you and your partner become aware of the negative patterns that have taken hold in your relationship. Understanding where these patterns come from is the first step in deciphering them.
You and your partner are likely to get caught up in certain patterns because you don’t know how to effectively express unmet attachment needs. Many people develop certain attachment problems as children; For example, if you’ve often felt abandoned, now you might want consistent and reliable signs of affection.
In safe, non-judgmental sessions, I will help you explore what your emotional attachment needs are. If appropriate, you could also turn to EMDR therapy, a highly effective form of trauma treatment that provides healing from the inside out. It works at the root of the problem. EMDR can be an effective part of couples counseling because it helps to integrate the past with the present. Doing this helps both of you stop reacting to old hurts and begin to respond in a genuine and vulnerable way. EFT will allow both of you to empathically share and listen to each other’s story.
In general, my approach to couples therapy aims to help you and your partner relate with greater self-awareness and shared compassion. Our work can help reduce stress, eliminate arguments, and focus on being more present, open, and vulnerable to each other. Together, you can experience and share deep, even difficult, emotions without fear that those emotions will spiral into chaos.
As a mother, professional, and wife, I know what it’s like to face and overcome the challenges we all experience in relationships. As an EFT expert, I will be here to comfort you and guide you through the healing process. With a little time, you will develop the deep relational tools you need to generate mutual feelings of security and support. Your relationship can become a place of rest, healing, and peace.
You or your partner may have questions about marriage counseling …
I don’t want to talk about our private problems in front of a stranger.
It can be challenging to talk about emotions, especially unpleasant emotions that we hardly want to acknowledge. But burying our feelings only damages the connection we can have with others.
Therapy is a safe and non-judgmental place to practice sharing and vulnerability. I am here to offer help and support, and I will never pressure you to do something that you are not prepared to do. You and your partner will move forward together, at your own pace. As they do so, I will gently guide you toward a happier and more secure future with each other.
Can’t we deal with our problems on our own? Why do we need marriage counseling?
Like many other couples, perhaps you and your partner have started a simple conversation only to find yourself suddenly in conflict without really knowing how you got there or how your emotions became so overwhelming.
Most people have had this experience at one time or another. This is why it is so important to seek the help of a trained professional. A therapist can provide the objective insight necessary to trace the origins of those seemingly unmanageable emotions. So, you can understand not only your feelings, but also those of your partner. I can help you lay the foundation for a strong and lasting connection.
Couples therapy has too much stigma. I don’t want people to think that we are crazy or that we are a troubled couple.
Fortunately, times have changed and people increasingly understand that we all need help at certain times in our lives. Seeking help may even indicate that you are healthy and mature enough to realize that you need help!
No matter how hopeless things seem right now, it is possible to rebuild your relationship. Let ‘me help you. Together, we can overcome your challenges and restore joy, trust, and pleasure in your relationship.
Sit close to your partner again
If you would like to reconnect with your partner, I invite you to call me at 720 276 9188. I would love to meet you and explain my approach to couples therapy. I offer psychotherapy in Spanish and English.